{"id":1071,"date":"2019-01-28T10:00:48","date_gmt":"2019-01-28T16:00:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/carolalt.com\/?p=1071"},"modified":"2022-01-06T10:36:38","modified_gmt":"2022-01-06T16:36:38","slug":"how-can-you-choose","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/carolalt.com\/how-can-you-choose\/","title":{"rendered":"How Can You Choose?"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’m feeling it ever so acutely these days: the balance between ass and face. If you are a man you might be wondering what this balance is, but all you women know exactly what I’m talking about.<\/span><\/p>\n

If I want to be thin, my face looks gaunt; my cheeks sink in and my skin hangs. If I want my face to look full and my skin to fill out and be smooth, then my butt needs meat! Sometimes I wonder, should I be working out or eating? Some days I’m working out and eating at the same time because I can’t make a decision! <\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes I feel really fat and I look in the mirror and my face looks so amazing! But then I don’t want to walk the red carpet because I can’t zip up my pants. Ugh!<\/strong><\/p>\n

And so I start to work out, and I get my svelte body back, but I need a ton of makeup to give the illusion that I have a full young face. I put my hair into a tight, tight ponytail so that I get an instant facelift.<\/span><\/p>\n

What is a girl to do – except of course change gender! Men have it so easy. If he’s a little overweight nobody cares. If he’s got a little belly it means he’s prosperous. If he has a line on his face it means he’s got character and experience. In any case he will have a line of women around the block waiting to date him.<\/span><\/p>\n

But put any of those things on a woman and every other woman judges her when she walks into the room. Their eyes tell the facts: she’s too fat; she needs some Botox, perhaps even a little filler; and what’s that gray hair? When is the last time she colored? <\/span><\/p>\n

Not to mention the other ways we destroy each other: that outfit is from 2010, and it’s certainly not the right one to wear when you have a belly; the color of her hair is too light for the tone of her skin; and my all-time favorite, are those shoes from last season? I actually had a salesgirl in a department store tell me that she loved the shoes I was wearing: “They were so great last season.” Why is it that as soon as the calendar year is flipped you have to throw out your favorite shoes and bags? (But I think fashion mistakes is fodder for another blog…)<\/span><\/p>\n

I have to say, when I watch these Housewives, I have to marvel at how completely put together they are from head to foot. At a lunch the other day one of these socialite wives had the nerve to tell me that I need a man to pay for my “upkeep,” I shouldn’t be paying for it myself, you know!<\/span>I need a rich man right now – today! Before another penny gets drained from my purse for my obvious upkeep.<\/span><\/p>\n

First of all, and I quote from Monty Python, “I blow my nose in your general direction!” Meaning: perhaps the reason I don’t need a rich man to pay for “all” my upkeep is because my upkeep only consists of raw food!<\/span>I’ve never chosen men that way. And well, maybe that’s my mistake? I’ve been known to fall in love regardless of what a man has. Regardless of who he was. I’ve had long relationships to prove that. But I do have a drained pocketbook.<\/span><\/p>\n

Alas, I’m finding there is no good balance in life for anything – is there? If I err on the side of money, I might not be in love. If I err on the side of love, he may not have money. If I err in favor of my face, my butt is big. Err on the side of my butt, my face is gone and I look older. <\/span><\/p>\n

For heaven’s sake! There are just too many decisions!!<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m feeling it ever so acutely these days: the balance between ass and face. If you are a man you might be wondering what this balance is, but all you women know exactly what I’m talking about. If I want to be thin, my face looks gaunt; my cheeks sink in and my skin hangs. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1074,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"none","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[10,12,22,45,17,46],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolalt.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1071"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolalt.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolalt.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolalt.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolalt.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1071"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/carolalt.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1071\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":140290,"href":"https:\/\/carolalt.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1071\/revisions\/140290"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolalt.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1074"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolalt.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1071"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolalt.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1071"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolalt.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1071"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}